Here I am, laying on my pillow and thinking about my life. I ask myself, “ Is it what I really want? What have I got from my work? Do I have home? This is someone else’s home, I only rent it ‘cause I have not been able to buy a house, even a small one.”
Then, I ask “What do you do?” “I am a teacher.” “How much do you earn? Is it enough?” I wake up and stare myself on the mirror. “I am a teacher, but I must admit that I am not satisfied with what I have. This is not what I dreamt when I was in college. Having good career that related to my education background, my own house and car, nice paying job are some of the things that reflect my dream, something that I kept on pursuing, financial security ….”
Being a teacher is not my goal when I was in school but fate had determined I became a teacher in elementary school. I graduated from Law Faculty. On the other hand, I am happy to work around the kids ‘cause I love kids. Just as a human being sometimes I am sad with my income. I dream of having good life, enough money that makes me no worry for doing things, especially if I was sick and had to go to the doctor.
Lots of my friends have already established life. I am still striving for it. It is not that I am not grateful for what I have. Instead, I really feel grateful for every single thing I have and any experiences I have ever been till now. I am just like any other normal human beings. I want to be relaxed and have no worries for life. My income now does not allow me to be relaxed, not yet! I honestly feel tired. Probably because my body is not strong enough. Do I have to give up to this situation? No, never!
I do not have parents anymore. They passed away four years ago. I do not have brother or sister. So no one will be able to help providing for my life except me! I must struggle and be strong face all my troubles. I BELIEVE GOD HAS NEVER LEFT ME. My current efforts have not been successful to maintain life does not mean I have to give up. I realize that the efforts that required to change the condition is not as easy as turn your hand up side down. Making these efforts are often times so hard or even painful. Yes, life is a struggle and it takes sincerity to reach the gates of heaven in the hereafter…